Honesty is not the best policy

Some people are very good in nature. They treat you very nicely and sometimes suddenly appear to be hiding things. We ignore once, twice. But later it becomes intolerable. It appears very disgusting to me. I don't know why but I can never tolerate lies. I get very tempered with such people. I believe I'm an honest person. And I expect next person to be the same. I could never understand a reason what makes them keep me away from the truth. In my opinion, stealing one's right to know the truth when it is completely related to that person is one of the greatest sins. You'll never know how much pain it can cause. I think I need to calm myself. Or is leaving my honesty the better way? I won't be honest, I won't expect the next person to be the same and thus I'll condone his act of being dishonest. No more the feeling of being cheated!

An evening in reading... and retrospecting

Today I spent some time in reading some articles from an old magazine. The magazine is about an international philanthropic program which concentrates on mentoring. Some good rising artists and some expert artists had been selected for participation. Experts were mentors and rising artists were mentees. And the magazine has tried to get their experiences about it. I loved reading it. It reminded me of my mentors.

We need mentors in all the phases of life. We do get them in one or other form. We need to identify them. For me, every person I come in contact with, is a mentor. I believe every person has something to learn from. We only need to indentify it. And this is possible when we leave finding faults, when we leave thinking that I'm better than him, when we leave thinking that I have finished my learning. There were few who deliberately played role of mentor. They shaped my life. 

My mother is the first mentor as everyone has. But I have got quite more from my mother than everyone else must have got. I had got few nice teachers at my high school. I can't forget to mention about my Marathi teacher. I remember we'd talk for hours forgetting about the lecture. He had given me a lot to think on. I was not very good at expressing when I'd write. But he always made me believe that I had got something different at my core. I needed some good gold finishing. I failed to work on it even when I realized it. And then I never had a chance to work on it. Then in my junior college, my Physics professor had showed a lot of trust on me. I remember he'd give me books to read/solve. He'd suggest me good ways to study. I didn't find any mentor in my engineering college for studying. But my friends taught me to enjoy life with things other than studies. 

In Amdocs, I found a friend cum mentor in my very first project who made me believe in my identity. Before I met him, I'd always feel I'm wrong when I did things differently than others. When I observed him I found it was not only me who did those things differently, it was not only me who looked at life differently. Also, before I met him, I had lost myself in specious joys of life. He brought back my original soul into existence. It was a short season when I could observe him and learn from him. Later I tried to continue to gain something more from him but couldn't. My project was changed and mentoring ended there. But now when I look back, I feel mentor should not always be observing you and correcting you. Separating from mentor is also necessary. It is necessary to learn to apply independently what we learnt from him. Otherwise we’ll become completely dependent on him.

Mentors came and went. But they mixed their essence in my life. Whatever I'm now, I've something from each of them.

Next I spent some time reading my mother's diary. She wrote it when she had gone to the U.S. She had logged her few days there. I found some analysis of everything she had observed there. She noted down the differences as anyone can do. But every page had a sentence which showed that she has got something different at her core. I also might have inherited it from her. But she also, like me, has to work on expressing. I'm sure, if she does, she'll be able to write like a professional writer. I remember when I was in school, all my friends used to come to her to get the points to write in essays, to write for elocution competition. People still come to her.

I found a page where she had expressed her grief that I was not going with her. She wanted me to come with her, but at the same time she also wanted me to become stronger. I have never lived away from her for long. That was first time when I lived for 3 months without her. It was she who along with me had seen the positive side of my not going with them. I was always more pampered than my sister, for an obvious reason that I'm the youngest member in my family. And the other reason that before birth, I had created such circumstances that she couldn't keep herself from pampering me. Before my birth, she was told by doctors that the baby would be abnormal if given birth to. She faced problems during the gestation.  But then she didn't give up. Yet, she was scared at the time of my birth. She checked if I, the baby was alright. My sister had started walking and talking very early of her age. Comparatively, I had started very late. There also my mother was worried about me. This is the reason, why I was always pampered. And now after so many years, she and everyone still pampers me.

When I was reading the diary, I realized that my sister does too many things for everyone. She showed my parents too many places in the U.S. I'm useless. People do a lot for me. In return I have hardly done anything for anyone. The only thing I can give others is the belief that they have ability to give. :(

शब्द संपले? की तात्पुरते हरवले ?

Life is stubbornly obnoxious sometimes..

Main jaisa hoon main waisa kyun hoon

Bad loonga main abhi kya  
Maanu toh kya maanu main  
Sudhroonga main kabhi kya  
Ye bhi toh na jaanu main 
Jaane ab mera, hona kya hai (oh)
Lagta hai tumko kya
Jaane ab mera, hona kya hai (oh)
Kya main hoon jaisa bas waisa rahoonga? 

Main aisa kyun hoon -4
Main aisa kyun hoon -3
Main aisa aisa aisa hi hoon

Finding Nemo

Dory reminded me of few more dialogues from the movie-

"No, of course I like you. It's because I like you, I don't want to be with you. It's a complicated... emotion."


"That's a funny thing to promise. If nothing ever happens to him, then nothing will ever happen to him."


"I suffer from short-term memory loss. [Marlin: Short-term memory loss? (Dory nods) I don't believe this!] No, it's true! I forget things almost instantly. It runs in my family! Well I mean... at least... I think it does. Hum... Where are they? ...Can I help you?"


"No. No, you can't... STOP. Please don't go away. Please? No one's ever stuck with me for so long before. And if you leave... if you leave... I just, I remember things better with you. I do, look. P. Sherman, forty-two... forty-two... I remember it, I do. It's there, I know it is, because when I look at you, I can feel it. And-and I look at you, and I... I'm home. Please... I don't want that to go away. I don't want to forget."

I was complaining about my bad memory to myself and then I read someone had a stroke and has lost a lot of his memory. And now he is trying to build up all the memories he lost by various techniques and using whatever memories he is left with! Hope never dies, so true! :) - Like Dory in “Finding Nemo” says – “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!”